Self-care, Inner Peace and The Value Of Tears

Self-care is the practice of self-love. They are basically two perspectives of the same innate, authentic need of every human being and one of the most important insights on my journey of getting to know myself more was that they are not selfish at all. In fact, self-care and self-love are a prerequisite for having the capacity, the strength to support other living beings (animals, humans, plants) effectively.

Just as much as you love yourself are you able to love others and as much as you take good care of yourself are you able to offer the same quality and level of effortless, heartfelt care to others.

Taking care of ourselves starts with deep listening to how our body (and consequently our psyche) feels, what it needs right now. By paying this simple, undivided attention to all of who we are and just as we are in this moment, we become more efficient in „hearing” the needs of others, too. Receiving what is and who is without resistance is a key to proceeding, flowing through life effortlessly in our unique and most authentic way, staying open to life itself as it is and tapping into our infinite unique potential to create what we truly desire for ourselves and the world.

Through self-care you consciously create time and space for yourself in your life to be (with) yourself without any distractions and any agendas to change/”improve” who you are.
The opposite of self-care is self-betrayal, which is closely connected to people-pleasing, an attitude largely motivated by fear of judgement/ refusal and a deep wish to be accepted, to “win”/ to deserve approval, to feel worthy of love.
[ When you do something only to please somebody else , that lacks true heartfelt care for not only yourself, but the other person, too. This is a huge topic in itself. Ask yourself in every situation if you are able to give/offer your support, time etc. to another person from your Heart, that is to give and to be fully present with/for them because you would simply love to for no particular reason, or is there some (maybe hidden) motive for you to do so.]

Self-care and self-love are the basis of Inner Peace that is not dependent on outside circumstances. They create a sense of wholeness in you, a sense of inner “Yes” to each and every unique aspect of your Being including your body and your psyche as you won’t have hidden, suppressed or avoided unmet needs towards yourself. This can lead you to recognizing that you are the author of your own story (even when at times you may feel compelled to think this is not so). As you embrace this emotionally, you won’t have resentments towards other people for not meeting your needs and expectations.

When you realize your own power that comes from exercising your innate right to choose what you really need, you take a huge step towards staying true to who you are and discovering what is your Soul’s Purpose.

Some modes of self-care are well-known to most of us like resting, getting enough sleep everyday, doing the things that fill you up with joy, reading the books you have always longed to read, listening to music, getting to know your innermost tendencies through yoga, meditation, conscious breathing or conscious movement like dancing.

At the same time, there are many more ways of taking care of ourselves that are equally important including some that we may not think of as acts of self-care though they certainly are. Self-care is not necessarily/always constricted to a certain time frame or space, you can also embrace it as an ever-present attitude in any moment of your life just as self-love.

Here are some examples (most of them overlap):

1. Keep healthy, clear boundaries
Examine the following by feeling into your Heart Space : what/whom, why, when, where and how you let into your life, your space and how these things/people affect your mood, your overall wellbeing, health.
Then make conscious decisions on what you really need and what you don’t need in your life. For example, if you experience somebody mocking you or in any other form (even in the slightest way) abusing you and the issue cannot be resolved with them in a way that mutual respect is restored, do your best to get out of touch with them.
Not everything/everyone is for you and you are not for everyone/everything. You have the right to choose when, where, how and why you are available for people and which activities, attitudes, communication you prefer.
Remember that you don’t have any obligation to tolerate abuse, you have a choice, even if you might not feel this to be true!

Also, it is not your task to show up every time for everything for everyone and let everything into your life. Some examples: choose kindly not to accept certain invitations and stay at home when you feel the need to ; you can modulate the amount of time watching/reading the news, this way filtering the information and quality of energy you let in. Also, don’t let work and private life overlap, sign out of all work-related accounts at the end of your „office” day and let your free time be a time that only belongs to you.

By staying true to your needs you „authorize” others to have the same attitude towards themselves, too, and people will feel much lighter in your presence as they subconsciously sense your courage to be yourself, a deep need each of us longs for.

Boundaries show your uniqueness (who you really are) to others and „attract” those people who are aligned with your truth while those who are not will leave your space. Be aware that the key to giving others truly from your Heart
lies in you being honest with yourself and this is the way to be there for those who really need You in their lives as well as meeting those who can support you the best.

When you are not used to keeping boundaries, you may feel some unease when starting to come forward with them in your relationships/life. This is natural. Take a few deep, long, slow breaths.

2. Identify what values feel important for you and practice standing up for these consciously in all circumstances. What do you feel in your heart to be true?

3. Aim to establish connections with people who share your values and are interested in the same things in life. Share about yourself sincerely and openly in an emotionally safe environment, in the company of people who are open to listen to you and really hear you without judgement. When you start expressing your values from your Heart Space and show who you are courageously, more and more people who resonate with you will be able to connect to you because they will see You, recognize your individuality, not a person who wants to fit in.

4. Take time (at least a few minutes) everyday to be in silence with your eyes closed and „look” inside to emotionally digest what had happened during your day: consciously holding a non-judgemental space of infinite and unconditional love for yourself. Breathe gently.
Be kind to yourself, notice and recognize even those thoughts and feelings that are not so kind without any agenda to change them or „improve” them anyways. Give yourself your full attention.
Receive yourself the way you want to be received by other people.

5. Surrender to what ever you feel and feel it consciously and fully in your body at the level of sensations at any moment. The body can inform you through your sensations about your actual needs throughout your day.

6. Remember and uphold your right to choose and the power that comes with that even when other people may not understand or misunderstand your decision and even judge you for it.

7. Consciously say a „Yes” or a „No” when you have a clear gut-feeling to do so (lovingly embracing the guilt, too, that might come with it initially if you are not used to )

8. Express your needs and feelings clearly (instead of suppressing them to fit the expectations of other people.) Witness yourself and your inner unfoldings with compassion as you do.

9. Let your tears flow when you feel the need to and you are possibly in an emotionally safe environment or on your own. Crying resurrects your inner power as you embrace all of who you are through tears. When you allow yourself (without any self-judgement) to cry, it is like being your own best friend and you can experience the deep inner peace that comes with getting and staying in touch with your e-motions by letting them organically move.
Tears mean you are fair and honest with yourself because you don’t try to suppress, deny, avoid, modulate how you feel or divert your attention from it, neither you uphold a kind of false positivity by trying to forcefully move on from what is wanting to express itself/unfold in your inner world in the Present Moment. It takes courage. You don’t judge yourself for being human, you spontaneously embrace your unique humanness, your vulnerability, which is a strength, not a weakness.
Your every teardrop is sacred and of infinite value leading you towards the experience of your wholeness. Tears are the precious language of those parts of you that may not be able to express through words the trauma you might have experienced in the past.
Behind every teardrop there is infinite peace awaiting to unfold: the peace of being unconditionally accepted, infinitely loved, recognized and validated just the way you are in this very moment. It is only you who can fully give yourself this gift and you can give this to yourself without any (self-imposed) conditions of deserving it, without waiting for anybody to grant it to you, without passing on the authority, the power to any one to give it to you.

10.Journalling: writing down your thoughts about your day/week/events that are important to you emotionally, describing situations, your feelings about them, your needs, facts about what happened to you is powerful in seeing your life more clearly, objectively by getting „thoughts” out of your mind on to a piece of paper.This also helps to detach from your thought process, to stop identifying with your mental activity.

11. Consciously feel into what attitudes, behavioural patterns you might have towards yourself and the world that are not originally yours, rather adopted from other people in your environment. Each human being has many so-called recycled thoughts, (some of these are recurring thought patterns (beliefs)) that are picked up from family, friends, school, famous people, bosses or any authority figures whose opinions, views of life you might even just subconsciously or half-consciously accept as valid and true for yourself. Culture also has a big influence on how we see our lives.
Are your current beliefs useful and do they support your life, your dreams?
Whose thoughts do you think?

12. Become aware of your decisions. Are the decisions you make out of fear or are they inspired by your Heart?

13. Remind yourself of :

• your innate infinite worth that is not dependent on anybody or anything (e.g. achievement, how others perceive you and receive you, your looks etc.)
• your right to be happy and realize your dreams, no matter how other people see you and your life and whether they give their „approval”
• the fact that you are perfectly imperfect, Uniquely You, an unrepeatable human Miracle
• your right to be angry, and to embrace the whole of who you are including those parts of you that have never been looked at, loved and recognized by anyone including you

14. Stand by yourself when you perceive injustice happening in a situation involving you.

15. Walk away from situations that evoke heavy contraction-like sensations in your body. Listen to your inner “No”.

16. Nourish your creative, fun-loving, playful side. It can be a good opportunity to connect to other beings in joy, and is deeply relaxing.

Remember that self-care (and self-love) is a right and a duty towards yourself as well as to all the living beings you come in contact with.
The quality of your attitude towards yourself determines the quality of your attitude towards others.

As for me, for long years I read spiritual books and articles to subconsciously seek permission and validation to be fully myself, something that basically I can give myself only. I realized that if I don’t validate myself to be fully who I am, then, even if I get validation from other people I won’t be able to receive that truly in my Heart and no matter what I reach in life there will still be a sense of lack in me. Self-validation starts with self-care/self-love and my most important need has ever been to be there for myself all the time.

In fact, it is only you who can be there for yourself in each and every moment of your life.

If you are not used to self-care, it may take small, regular steps to create a habit of it, so be patient with yourself.

Keep discovering what these questions may bring up inside you:

What does self-care mean to you now?

What do you need right now and also generally in your life?

What is your way of self-expression and sharing your gifts with the world?

Whose agenda are you living?

I hope my piece of writing will assist you in embracing and nurturing more and more of who you are.